Take Charge ↘

Information & Resources for Teens, Parents, & Educators

YWCA NCIN is dedicated to fostering healthy relationships among teenagers. Here, you'll find essential information on recognizing signs of abuse, guidance for parents to initiate conversations with their children, and the significance of educating teens about healthy relationships.

The goal of Take Charge is to reduce the number of new instances of intimate partner violence or sexual violence by intervening before any violence occurs. Simply put, we want to stop the violence before it happens. This program uses a primary prevention approach, which focuses on understanding and addressing the factors that lead to violence.

  • 47% of dating teens have been victims of dating violence.

  • 47% of dating girls & 35% of dating boys experience emotional dating abuse.

  • 65-75% of teens report experiencing digital dating abuse. Being controlled and monitored through technology is most common.

  • 18.5% of dating girls and 19.4% of dating boys experience physical dating abuse.

  • 13.6% of dating girls and 8.3% of dating boys experience sexual dating abuse.

For Teens ↘

What type of relationship are you in?

Healthy

A healthy relationship means both you and your partner are:

  • Communicating

  • Respectful

  • Trusting

  • Honest

  • Equal

  • Enjoying personal time away from each other

  • Making mutual choices

  • Financially independent

  • Setting and following healthy boundaries (emotionally, physically, sexually, and digitally)

  • Compromising equally

  • Keeping passwords and digital devices private

  • Participating in activities and hobbies you like

  • Focusing on schoolwork

  • Always askes for consent

Unhealthy

Abusive

Abuse is occurring in a relationship if your partner is:

  • Communicating in a hurtful or threatening way

  • Accusing you of cheating when it’s untrue

  • Denying or minimizing their own actions

  • Isolating you from others

  • Shifting blame for their actions

  • Exhibiting possessive or controlling behavior

  • Ignoring boundaries

  • Having explosive outbursts or mood swings

  • Gaslighting, or using other mind games to control, trick, or guilt you

  • Not respecting sexual boundaries by begging, coercing, threatening, or using force

  • Insulting, demeaning, or other forms of verbal or emotional abuse

  • Hitting, slapping, strangulation, punching, or other forms of physical abuse

  • Controlling or monitoring your online activities

  • Stalking or digitally monitoring your location and digital activity

  • If you're trapped in an abusive relationship, it's crucial to take steps to break free. Ending ties with an abusive partner is often challenging, especially when emotions are involved. It's natural to miss them but remember why you're choosing to walk away. Your well-being should always come first.

    When you're ready to end things, don't let your partner manipulate or coerce you into staying. If they threaten harm, either to you or others, seek help from a trusted adult immediately. Your safety is paramount, so don't hesitate to reach out to your parents, friends, or other support networks for assistance.

    If facing your partner in person feels unsafe, consider alternative methods of communication, such as calling, texting, or emailing. Remember, you have the right to feel safe and respected in your relationships. Abuse is never acceptable, and you deserve better.

    Know that you're not alone in this struggle, and there are people and resources available to help you navigate through it. Confide in someone you trust, whether it's a parent, friend, or health provider. Seeking guidance from a therapist can also provide invaluable support as you work through the emotional aftermath of abuse.

  • Consent is Freely given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic, and Specific. FRIES

    *Freely given: Consenting is a choice you make without pressure, force, manipulation, or under the influence of drugs or alcohol. There's no such thing as implied consent in any relationship.

    *Reversible: Anyone can change their mind about what they feel like doing, at any time. Even if you’ve done it before, and even if you decide you don’t want to continue what you and your partner are doing right at that moment.

    *Informed: You can only consent to something if you have the full story. For example, if someone says they’ll use a condom and then they don’t, there isn’t full consent.

    *Enthusiastic: You should only do stuff you WANT to do, not things that you feel you’re expected to do.

    *Specific: Saying yes to one thing (like going to the bedroom to make out) doesn’t mean you’ve said yes to others (like doing anything other than making out)

    Remember YES means YES, the absence of a NO does not mean YES.

    More examples of what consent looks like & What is the Legal Role of Consent

You may be in a unhealthy relationship if your partner is:

  • Not Communicating

  • Disrespectful

  • Not trusting

  • Dishonest/lying

  • Trying to take control/make all the decisions

  • Only spending time with you, and uninterested in hobbies and other friend groups

  • Excessively communicating online or over the phone

  • Pressuring you into activities

  • Controlling you financially

  • Crossing boundaries

For Parents ↘

Warning signs of relationship abuse in your teens & how to talk to your teens about healthy relationships.

Empower your teen with the knowledge to make informed and healthy choices in all types of relationships, including their dating life!

It’s never too early to talk to your child about healthy relationships and dating abuse. Whether you believe your teen is currently in an unhealthy relationship or has not yet begun dating, talking about healthy relationships and dating violence is crucial for their safety and well-being - now and in the future.

  • *Problems with school attendance

    *Lack of interest in former extracurricular activities

    *Isolation from friends or family

    *Unexplained bruising or injuries

    *Making excuses or apologizing for partner’s behavior

    *Noticeable change in weight, demeanor, or physical appearance

    *Extreme jealousy or possessiveness from your child’s partner.

    *Constant emails, texts, or calls from their partner.

  • It's crucial to approach the situation with empathy, understanding, and respect for the autonomy of your teen. Attempting to force or coerce someone to leave an abusive relationship may lead to resistance and could potentially isolate them further.

    *Listen & Give Support: Be a good listener, ensuring they feel comfortable opening up to you.

    *Accept What Your Child is Telling You: Believe your child even if it's difficult to hear, fostering trust.

    *Show Concern: Express concern for their safety and emphasize their right to respect.

    *Focus on Behaviors, Not Individuals: Discuss observed abusive behaviors rather than speaking negatively about the person involved.

    *Avoid Ultimatums: Resist giving ultimatums, allowing your child to make their own decisions.

    *Be Prepared: Educate yourself on dating abuse, helping your child identify warning signs and promoting healthy relationships.

    *Create a Safety Plan: Work together to develop a safety plan tailored to their situation.

    *Decide on Next Steps Together: Collaborate on determining the next steps, respecting their autonomy.

    *Encourage your Teen to talk to a counselor, therapist, or a helpline.

    Remember that patience, empathy, and ongoing support are key when helping someone navigate the complexities of leaving an abusive relationship.

  • Choose the Right Time and Place: Ensure your teen feels comfortable discussing relationships in a relaxed and private setting.

    *Active Listening, Be Open and Non-Judgmental: Listen without judgment and validate their feelings.

    *Encourage Open Communication and Acceptance: Let your teen know you're there to listen and support them, even if the information is difficult.

    *Educate About Healthy Relationships: Emphasize respect, communication, Boundaries, and consent.

    *Focus on Respect and Boundaries: Discuss emotional, physical, and digital boundaries, stressing the importance of respecting personal space.

    *Discuss Warning Signs: Talk about the warning signs of an unhealthy relationship, such as controlling behavior, isolation, or emotional manipulation. Emphasize that anyone can be a victim.

    *Address Digital Safety: Stress the importance of establishing boundaries online and respecting each other's privacy. Discuss the potential repercussions of location sharing and engaging in sexting.

    *Explore Consent: Explain the concept, ensuring your teen understands it should be mutual, enthusiastic, and continuous, with the right to say no at any time.

    *Share Resources: Provide resources such Love Is Respect or Break the Cycle for your teen to visit.

    *Revisit the Conversation: Keep communication open by revisiting the topic periodically, staying engaged, and observing any changes in behavior or mood.

    Other ongoing Examples:

    *Be an active participant in your teen’s life: Actively participating in your teen's life allows you to offer guidance on healthy relationship dynamics you see.

    *Creating a Supportive Environment: Teens who feel supported by their parents are more likely to reach out for help when needed

    *Modeling Healthy Relationships: Your own relationships and interactions serve as a model for your teen

    *Early Intervention: Early identification of warning signs allows for timely intervention and support. Teens who feel supported by their parents are more likely to reach out for help when needed.

For Educators ↘

  • Our presentations and small groups are for all youth of all ages – elementary to college. All material and activities provided are modified to be age appropriate and tailored to what is requested. Presentation styles are flexible and can be for a group as small as 5 or as large as auditorium size. We offer several topics which can be presented weekly or throughout the year. If there is a topic you are interested in that is not listed please reach out to see if it is something we can accommodate.

    Current Topics Include: 

    ● Teen Dating Violence 

    ● Healthy Relationships (Friends, Family, Professional, Romantic) 

    ● Healthy Relationships (Specific for LGBTQ+ Populations) 

    ● Addictions and Vaping 

    ● Addictions and Families 

    ● How to ask for help? (Mental Health/Suicide Awareness) 

    ● How to be a good friend 

    ● Coping Strategies 

    ● Stress Management 

    ● Anger Management 

    ● Gender Norms/Stereotypes & Violence 

    ● Internet Safety

    ● Bullying 

    ● Trafficking 

    ● Self-Efficacy & Self-Confidence 

    ● Diversity & Inclusion 

    ● Communication and Conflict Resolution 

    ● Relationship Skills and Social Awareness 

    ● Self Awareness and Management 

    ● Responsible Decision Making 

    ● 6 to 10 week SAFE Dates small groups on healthy relationships & gender norms

  • Preventative education is crucial for all ages as it empowers youth with the knowledge and skills to foster healthy relationships, recognize and address abuse, and support a broader culture of respect and safety. 

    Though elementary and middle school aged youth may seem too young to talk about dating, it’s important to start these conversations early. 

    Kids start noticing and copying what they see from their family, friends, peers, and the media from a young age. By talking about what makes a relationship healthy, we can help youth avoid negative influences and show positive examples. 

    It is important for conversations to be appropriate for their age, but by teaching them about respect, communication, and boundaries in relationships, we can better equip youth in making informed decisions about their relationships, help youth build healthy relational habits and avoid problems like dating and interpersonal violence in the future.

  •  Education plays a key role in preventing dating violence for several reasons: 

    Preventing Abuse: Teaching youth about what makes a relationship healthy helps them spot and avoid abusive behaviors, reducing the chance of abuse happening to or from them. 

    Better Communication: Learning about healthy relationships improves how youth communicate. It helps youth understand how to effectively express their needs, set boundaries, and share their feelings in a positive way. 

    Boosting Self-Esteem and Self-Confidence: Knowing and understanding what a healthy relationship looks like can increase youths’ self-esteem and self-confidence, helping them seek and build respectful and satisfying relationships. 

    Long-Term Benefits: Gaining relationship skills early in life creates a solid foundation for future happiness and healthier relationships.

    Online Safety: Educating youth on how to navigate social media safely and respectfully, understand what consensual online interactions look like, and how to protect themselves online; empowers youth to navigate the online world responsibly.

Contact us to schedule a presentation!

Our presentations and small groups are for all youth of all ages – elementary to college. All material and activities provided are modified to be age-appropriate and tailored to what is requested. Presentation styles are flexible and can be for a group as small as 5 or as large an auditorium.

We offer several topics which can be presented weekly or throughout the year. If there is a topic you are interested in that is not listed please reach out to see if it is something we can accommodate.